It's been over a year since we had a new entry in the ever-popular Me Being An Idiot series. Enjoy!
On Friday, the janitors and the gym teacher and I got together to play soccer after school, as we do most Fridays. It was fun and light-hearted like usual, but not everything about our game was usual; namely, near the end of the game, I inflicted a somewhat strange injury upon myself.
Allow me to paint a picture: I had situated myself in front of the opposition's goal, hoping for a ball to come my way so I could attempt to re-direct it into the back of the net. Some sort of collision flung the ball up high in the air behind me, and realizing that I was the closest player to its projected landing spot, I turned around (now facing away from the net) and awaited the ball's descent.
In the seconds I had to think up my next course of action, I started wondering what a star soccer player would do in this situation. The opponents were nearby, and as soon as the ball landed I would be swarmed by defenders, likely not giving me enough time to find a clear space to take a shot, or even to pass to a teammate. Therefore, it looked like the only viable possibility was to perform a Crazy Flying Upside-Down Bicycle Kick, in an attempt to blast the ball into the back of the net before it even touched the ground.
Well, "viable" may have been the wrong choice of words, given the party it is being applied to. I have never successfully pulled off a Crazy Flying Upside-Down Bicycle Kick, in a game or even just for fun.
The good news is that I timed this maneuver reasonably well-enough so as to make contact with the ball, saving myself from total embarrassment. The bad news is that it (the ball) went completely the wrong way. And then I landed with a thud square on my back.
Of course, it must have looked hilarious. Everyone burst out laughing, and I would have too if I wasn't too busy coughing (I wasn't completely winded - more like half-winded I guess).
I shook it off after a couple minutes and got back into the game, and didn't feel any ill-effects for the rest of the day. But the next morning, as so often happens, I woke up in a much worse state. This time, though, was different from the majority of sports-caused injuries. It didn't feel like a physical injury, more of a physiological injury. It was a tightness in my chest, back and even neck, which was magnified when I breathed. It kind of felt like the exercise-induced asthma I sometimes suffer from.
Allow me to paint a picture: I had situated myself in front of the opposition's goal, hoping for a ball to come my way so I could attempt to re-direct it into the back of the net. Some sort of collision flung the ball up high in the air behind me, and realizing that I was the closest player to its projected landing spot, I turned around (now facing away from the net) and awaited the ball's descent.
In the seconds I had to think up my next course of action, I started wondering what a star soccer player would do in this situation. The opponents were nearby, and as soon as the ball landed I would be swarmed by defenders, likely not giving me enough time to find a clear space to take a shot, or even to pass to a teammate. Therefore, it looked like the only viable possibility was to perform a Crazy Flying Upside-Down Bicycle Kick, in an attempt to blast the ball into the back of the net before it even touched the ground.
Well, "viable" may have been the wrong choice of words, given the party it is being applied to. I have never successfully pulled off a Crazy Flying Upside-Down Bicycle Kick, in a game or even just for fun.
The good news is that I timed this maneuver reasonably well-enough so as to make contact with the ball, saving myself from total embarrassment. The bad news is that it (the ball) went completely the wrong way. And then I landed with a thud square on my back.
Of course, it must have looked hilarious. Everyone burst out laughing, and I would have too if I wasn't too busy coughing (I wasn't completely winded - more like half-winded I guess).
I shook it off after a couple minutes and got back into the game, and didn't feel any ill-effects for the rest of the day. But the next morning, as so often happens, I woke up in a much worse state. This time, though, was different from the majority of sports-caused injuries. It didn't feel like a physical injury, more of a physiological injury. It was a tightness in my chest, back and even neck, which was magnified when I breathed. It kind of felt like the exercise-induced asthma I sometimes suffer from.
Additionally, every couple minutes I would get a pang of chest-pain which I would describe as, without being totally clear on what heartburn is or if I've ever had it, something like what I imagine heartburn is. This prompted me to joke to Kären last night that I'm suffering from "Soccer Heartburn".
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