Nitrogen is a Common Xave Element

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Let me be upfront. This post is about farting. (I'm not sure if farts actually contain nitrogen, but whatever.) Specifically, my farting habits. So if you don't want to hear about that, just close the tab now. (And if you don't use tabs, get off the internet, cause you internetsuck.)

Ha ha, I knew you wouldn't leave. Who doesn't want to hear about farts?

Anyway, I wasn't always a farter. Actually, that's not true: I've always engaged in my share of flatulation, but it (my flatulation) used to be mostly odorless. I don't know what changed, but in the last couple years, all my farts, without fail, smell awful.

I've noticed it particularly in school. It's a constant struggle to keep it in. It started last year when I did my two practica at Ottawa schools, and as far as I can remember I was 100% successful at holding it in, or at least confining it to my teacher area where it couldn't spread. But this year the teacher area is much less well-defined; just a small desk instead of a big lab bench. The lab bench, completely befitting of a physics classroom, was very effective at Fart Diffraction Prevention. Also, I have students coming up to me all the time, a big difference from last year when I would mostly visit them at their desk, when if there was an incident, I could pretend to be busy with something for a minute until the air cleared.

Consequently, my stifling success rate has dipped below 100%. There have been several times when I've dropped a serious bomb right in the student area, and in most cases they definitely knew where it came from. A couple were so bad they I totally cleared out the area, with the students dashing for cover on the other side of the classroom. Unfortunately, I didn't make any jokes about it the first couple times, and now I can't bring it up because it's awkward. But they definitely know me as the farter.

Fortunately, it's not quite as bad as it sounds. For one thing, as far as I can remember, all the really bad incidents luckily happened with the same class (I have 4 different classes). Secondly, my fart prevention has improved quite a bit. I can smell it coming a mile away now (not literally, thank god), giving me enough warning to prepare my butt muscles accordingly, and it hasn't happened for quite a while.

Hopefully my reputation as the farty teacher will start to diminish as the time since the last incident grows. But I must always be on the lookout, for a single infraction could ruin all my hard work, and I will once again be known as Dave Butt.