Goodbye, Failblog

Failblog, it's been fun. You've made me laugh on a consistent basis for a long time. You still do! There isn't much more I can ask from a blog based on human screw-ups. Or from any blog, really.

But all good things must come to an end, and Failblog, I'm sorry to tell you that this is our time. I feel like I'm sitting at the breakfast table reading the newspaper while you knit a sweater for that nice boy down the street. We aren't talking. It's not an awkward silence; it's comfortable. But that's kind of the problem, Failblog. I never wanted our relationship to be comfortable. I wanted it to be exciting, dangerous, and surprising.

No, Failblog, don't cry, please. Believe me when I tell you that I'm doing this because I love you. It's better this way - for both of us.

Look, I never want you to change, but in a hypothetical world, if I was forced to change one thing about you, which I never would, I promise, it would be your prolificity. You show up in my Google Reader like 20 times every day, and that's just a little suffocating. I mean, it would be, in this completely hypothetical scenario.

I guess there's one other thing, Failblog. I have to admit, I don't really like your friends. Maybe they're not your friends. Maybe they're just random people who scrawl messages on your walls. I'm not really sure what the situation is, and I don't want to pry. But for the most part, they're immature jerks.

On that note, I have to bring up a sore subject for me. Your friends' jerkness is never more apparent than when it comes to Justin Bieber. I've written about the Biebs before (read that to understand my disdain of your "friends" putting him down), so I'm worried that you'll start thinking I'm a JB fanboy, because I do care what you think of me Failblog, I really do. But I'm not a fanboy. I even enjoy the odd lesbian joke at JB's expense.

But voting him the Failiest Person of the Year, in a landslide, mind you, ahead of such real atrocities of human beings as Mel Gibson and Tiger Woods, is going a little too far. Now I know it wasn't you Failblog, it was those "friends" of yours again, but the fact is you let it happen, and that's a little disappointing. Not unforgivable, just disappointing.

I want to make it clear, though, this isn't why I'm moving on, Failblog. As I said before, it's just our time. I'll still visit every now and then. I still love you, after all. And I'm grateful, Failblog; thank you for all the joy you've brought me.