Warning: this is a very long post in which not much happens. Though I guess that's the case with most of my entries, so if you've gotten this far, you're probably committed (thanks mom). Also, as each day goes by I get better at Spanish, so these harrowing tales of dumb foreignerism may not be long for this world. This may be my Stupid Canadian Magnum Opus.
(Who am I kidding, I'm going to get into all kinds of crazy trouble! Stay tuned!)
Let's just say the past couple days weren't kind to me as far as food went. No, I'm not violently ill because of some weird Colombian street food, thankfully - it was more of a frustration-based fiasco than a vomit-based fiasco.
It started Sunday morning when I woke up to discover my fridge was unusually warm. I fiddled with the settings all morning before eventually concluding that it was just simply broken. So, there went a bunch of perfectly good food - I don't know any of my neighbors well enough to beg for fridge space, and it could have broken as early as Saturday afternoon, since I was out most of the day on Saturday. I thought about telling the security guard at my building, but I don't really know the Sunday guy as well as the weekday guys, so I decided to wait and tell the school people who are helping me with the transition once I got to school on Monday.
By the way, not only did I not have any food, but I had just run out of water (and though I'm one of the most liberal tap water drinkers you'll find, I don't drink the tap water here), so unless I wanted to drink 30˚C Coke (I didn't), I was going dry.
*****
So, on Monday, after not drinking anything for breakfast and then talking for 3 and a half hours, it's safe to say I was thirsty. I knew enough about how the cafeteria worked to get myself a bottle of water during recess; I just had to buy some tickets (they come in multiples of 100 pesos, or 5 cents), and then present my tickets at the cafe. No problem. I headed back to class, water in tow, and talked for another 2+ hours (sheesh, long mornings at this school - class starts at 7, lunch starts at 12:30), this time well-lubricated.
Upon the half-hour of lunch, I headed down to the cafeteria since, conveniently, I was on duty there, so I could make good use of my time by trying one of the tasty-looking creations they conjure up here for lunch.
This proved more difficult than I expected.
I still had what I believed would be enough tickets for lunch. I discovered that it wasn't, in fact, enough for the corn dish I wanted, but it was enough for a hot dog, so I waited at the hot dog stand for about 10 minutes. I was just thinking I was pretty close to getting my lunch (it's kind of hard to tell, there isn't much of a line system) when one of my students noticed what I was trying to do, and informed me that I couldn't use regular old tickets to buy the food, and I had to get a special hot dog ticket. Okay, that's stupid, but I figured I'd just go get myself one of them hot dog tickets, and 10 minutes later I'd have my food.
Then he (the student) told me they weren't selling the tickets anymore; they stopped selling at noon. GAH. So, I got back to patrolling the cafeteria. Another 10 minutes went by, and another of my students, somehow aware of my situation (I guess when the stupid Canadian teacher tries to do anything it spreads like wildfire), informed me that I could buy tickets at the cafeteria office. So I headed over there, and asked for a hot dog ticket, only to discover they weren't selling hot dog tickets, only corn tickets, and I didn't have enough regular tickets to trade in for a corn ticket, but whatever, I just shelled out the cash for a corn ticket and held on to my regular tickets (are you still with me?).
So THEN, I went back to the hot dog/corn guy, and showed him my ticket. He told me there was no more corn, and I could plainly see that he was making hot dogs, despite my inability to buy a hot dog ticket.
Okay, seriously, is the world conspiring against my ability to get anything to eat???!
So I asked a student, who cleared up the situation: they simply ran out of hot dog tickets, so people were paying for their hot dogs with corn tickets, which COST MORE, so it's stupid, because why can't we just pay with the REGULAR TICKETS, since they come in 5 cent intervals (as opposed to the hot dog and corn tickets which are face value of the item). Man!
Anyway, the end result was I got myself in on the last batch of hot dogs before the bell rang (only with the assistance of yet another student - by now the entire student population knows I'm an idiot - apparently I had to tell the guy I wanted one even though I was standing right there looking desperately hungry), but luckily I had the rest of the afternoon off (since I had already talked for more than 5 and a half hours) and was free to enjoy my hot dog in peace. It was tasty. And weird. I'll describe it sometime.
*****
After my satisfying lunch, I headed upstairs to ask the school director if there was any word on my fridge getting fixed. As a matter of fact, there was - there would be a guy at my apartment at 3:30, and the landlord's secretary would also be there in case they needed to go out and get parts, or something. Great! I could relax with the knowledge that my fridge would be fixed right after I got home, and then I'd be able to head to the grocery store and re-stock, all before dinner time.
Of course, that's not how things happened.
I got home by 3:30, as instructed, and waited.
At 4:30, I got a call informing me that in order to give me time to get home from school (I had already been home for an hour), the guy had been told to come after 4. The timing of this call was, to say the least, conspicuous. I waited some more, and sometime after 5 I put in my own call to see what was up. This time, I was told the guy got delayed, but would be there "soon". So I waited some more.
I should note that the waiting game is a tedious exercise for me. I can't really focus on anything important while I'm waiting - I can do minor tasks, but I can't get started on something like a lesson plan (which, coincidentally, I had to make) when someone is coming to my house to fix an essential appliance "any minute". So I kept waiting.
Around 6:30, I got a call from the school director. Unfortunately, it stopped ringing after 1 ring. I called back twice to no avail. I kept waiting.
About an hour later, the director called back to inform me that she had tried to call me but her battery had run out mid-call. She had been calling to see what was up; she had no news of her own.
I kept waiting.
At about 8, I got too hungry, and made myself a tasty albeit dry meal of pasta with olive oil, salt, pepper and oregano, with air to drink. I was just about to give up waiting...
...finally, after what seemed like slightly less than an eternity (an eternity is so inconceivable a length of time the hugeness of it becomes meaningless, so slightly less than eternity is a much more impressive amount of time. Thanks, Douglas Adams), the dude and my landlord's assistant arrived. It was 8:30.
Of course, you can probably already guess they weren't able to fix the fridge. The dude needed another part, which he couldn't get because it was too late and the stores weren't open. The whole point of the landlord's assistant coming was in case this happened and they needed to drive somewhere and get the part.
Oh well, at least I could stop playing the waiting game, and Walter assured me he'd be there the next day at 4 with new part in hand. He also he would come by himself. This was significant because I understood all of these facts, which is definitely progress for me on the Spanish front.
*****
Fast forward a day. I arrived at school with no lunch in tow for the second straight day (I don't need to explain why), and during the 4-hour break I had between classes I resolved to get myself a corn ticket, and do it right this time. So, just before noon, which is when the ticket office closes (even though it was open the previous day sometime between 12:30 and 1 when I had my previous adventure - this is one thing I haven't yet figured out), I headed over. On the way, I ran into fellow whitey K; she was successfully returning from the same mission I was currently on. During the conversation, the door to the food office, which was about 3 meters away from me, slammed shut. Foiled again.
(By the way, seems like a dumb idea to me that the food office should close at 12 when senior lunch is from 12:30-1. I guess they're saying if kids forget to pick up their tickets earlier they just can't eat?)
So I headed up to the teacher's lounge and explained the situation to very helpful and fully bilingual teacher H. He very graciously took me under his wing, leading me over to the kitchen and explaining the situation to the two Lovely Ladies of Lunch, and though I couldn't understand the conversation, I presumed he was (purposely) making me out to be a pathetic and clueless foreigner, which was also the pose I was attempting to meekly strike in the background.
Unfortunately, that idea didn't pan out, since the Ladies haven't started making hot lunches yet (that starts next week).
Shortly after this failure, my bus hero got wind of the situation and took it upon himself to lead me around in search of the chick who sells the food tickets, since I am a teacher, it's not like she's just going to turn me down (I would have used this tactic if I remembered what she looked like/had any idea where she was - I had already tried knocking on her office door).
Of course, she somehow proved to be nowhere on the school grounds.. well, okay, for about 10 minutes. The school is tiny, so it seemed like we were walking around for a long time, since we looked everywhere more than once. Anyway, eventually she was found, I got my ticket, and ate my corn and cheese dish.
*****
At 4:00 I got to play the waiting game again, but this time it was only for about 45 minutes, and shortly thereafter Walter had fixed the fridge. I sped over to the local grocery store, having forgotten that it was 20% off produce day (every Tuesday!), and I needed produce!
So you know what? Throughout this entire escapade I never missed a meal, and in fact, all of my meals were pretty good. And I got 20% discounted produce! So, for all my griping, I don't really have anything to gripe about. Thanks for wasting 2,000 words of your time! Come again!
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